Lost Fragmentsof a Seizure

(lapsus and myoclonias)

The family fear of inheriting an illness. My mother punished herself for years, believing my epilepsy came from her blood. Learning to be epileptic meant understanding that guilt and punishment are not part of a condition.

Over time, the images became kinder. Repetitive, exhausting symptoms found another way to exist. Piercing sounds joined a mosaic that opened a door: writing about the neurological and the spiritual act of making cinema.

Epilepsy as cinema. Not as disease.

I never avoided films that warned about scenes capable of triggering a seizure. I watched them more closely. The warning produced fear, but also an irresistible curiosity.

Can cinema provoke convulsions? Can images alter consciousness?

To edit epilepsy is to intervene in a convulsion. To shape it. To distribute it. Not the brain attacking the body, but the hands intervening the brain. To decide what to project and when. To take control for the first time. To choose the moment of being ill.